Bad Boys 2 is an unplayable piece of garbage.

I discovered this little gem on the shelves of my local CeX. It stood out as a game that was obviously rubbish. For starters, it’s a movie tie-in and they’re rarely good. On top of that, it’s a movie tie-in for a bad movie. They say you can’t make a good movie out of a bad script, but it’s also true that you can’t make a good game out of a rubbish movie. Can you think of any games based on films that are better than film they’re based on? To finish off the trifecta of obvious uselessness, it was priced at just £1. Games that are £1, are that price for a reason. Either they sold so well originally that there’s an abundance of them, or they’re so bad that it even collectors don’t want it.

Bad Boys 2 The Game was released in 2002 off the back of the DVD release of the movie. I must admit that I’ve never really figured out what compels adults to buy games like this. I remember being a kid, and wanting the computer game for whatever phenomenon I was into that day, but it’s not something that stayed with me as I grew up. I think it’s something you learn by being a fan of the Stars of both Trek and Wars. There’s only so many appalling games you can play before you come to the conclusion that you don’t really need to play every game that gets linked to a franchise. But Bad Boys? Bad Boys?

I’ll get the main review type stuff out of the way. The game is rubbish. It has absolutely no redeemable features whatsoever. The graphics look like they’re from a console generation or two ago. The cutscenes are the worst example of this, really needing to be seen to be believed. There’s a story in there somewhere, but it’s pointless because all you have to do is shoot everybody you see. Do you really need to know why you’re doing it? At best there’s no reason to play this game. It looks like it might be similar to other better games, but if you think that, you should just play those other better games. At least that way you won’t need to put up with the attempts at humour and wit that are so terrible you’ll need to turn the sound off.

I could bang on all day about what’s technically wrong with the game, but that just distracts me from the one question that I can’t find an answer to… What exactly is the point of this game?

The only explanation I can find is that it was a marketing tie-in with the DVD release of the movie. What does that even mean? What’s a marketing tie-in? Is the presence of one thing supposed to sell the other thing? Was the movie supposed to sell the game or the other way around? It didn’t work because the game ended up coming out a year after the DVD. But why did it come out at all? It’s a game with absolutely no worth, and the movie franchise it’s tied to was already dead by the time the game was released. Bad Boys 2 has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 23%. I can understand the appeal of a cynical cash grab, but how much cash can you realistically expect to grab from a movie that bad? According to IMDB, Bad Boys 2 cost $130 million, and grossed $138 million. The movie wasn’t even a good cash grab from the movie!

So that’s Bad Boys 2 The Game. It has no reason to exist, looks bad, sounds terrible, plays awfully, and features some of the worst representations of real people that I’ve ever seen in a video game.

Don’t buy this game and don’t play it. You’re worth more than that.