A Voting System Suggestion

Not everybody deserves a vote. That was really my opinion. Some people are stupid and don’t vote for the right party, or the right reasons. We don’t let Barclay the Dog choose our electricity provider, yet we allow millions of people vote for whoever they like, when they haven’t got the faintest clue why they’re doing it, or what the people they’re voting for represent. My evidence of that is our current government, and the existence of UKIP. Today everybody has a vote and look at the state we’re in.

But I’ve had a better idea. Originally my idea involved taking votes away from people. In my own mind I had justified that by lookin at it as bein cruel to be kind. My new idea is much better and doesn’t involve taking anything away from anyone. In my new system nobody decides who they vote for.

Rather than picking a candidate for a party, voters will answer a series of questions that cover a wide range of political issues. The party that most closely matches their opinions is the one they vote for. We could have an party independent department in government that deals with it. Perhaps each of the parties could agree on the topics covered, but not the wording of the questions.

Each question would be proceeded by a video staring a popular celebrity explaining about the particular issue. Do you think the minimum wage should be changed? Here’s Scary Spice explaining it to you. Ok I don’t know any current celebrities but you get the idea. Watch a video, answer a question, move on to the next one. We already have a government department that could put together reliable information about the impact of various party policies.

Why stop there? Let’s take it further. The government know what job everybody has and how much we earn because we all pay income tax. Could we take that data and calculate which party’s policies would have the biggest impact on each voter’s life? The government also know what benefits you’re getting. That data could be included in the quiz. That way if you’re answering a question about the minimum wage, the system would know if you’re on it and be able to tell you how policies would directly affect you.

Most importantly, there need to be a way to do this online. I pay my road tax online. They send me a letter with a code number, which I put into the website so they know who I am. Is that safe enough a system for road tax but not for voting? Of course you could add other security steps such as asking for other personal information about an individual like birthday, address, and so on. Surely there’s a way to do this now.

So there it is. My totally inclusive, totally informed, and totally fair voting system. Good? Bad? Frightening?

The Red Cup

It’s as traditional as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, at Christmas time everybody’s favourite coffee chain starts using a special holiday time version of the paper cups they put their coffee in. They usually have lots of pretty shapes and patterns that really brighten the day of those whose days are so painful they are cheered up by a cup. 

However this year, Starbucks have followed design cues from popular electronics manufacturers and have chosen to go with a bold red design for their Christmas cup. The decision to not use images of snowmen, Christmas trees, and snowflakes has been seen by some as political correctness gone mad. 

Following public outcry Starbucks CEO Richard Smith held a press conference to address concerns. 

He started by saying “It’s a fucking cup! You people have too much time on your hands.” The coffee boss is best known for his work at Canadian company Blackberry. He famously spent a single day as CEO during which he fired everyone in the company with the exception of the Global Creative Driector, Alecia Keys, who he later took on a month long company retreat to Jamaica. 

When pressed for either more information or an appology, Smith pointed out that publicly traded companies doesn’t give enough of a shit about you to care about persecuting your religion.

“I don’t care if you like Christmas or not. I don’t care if you’re a Christian or a Muslim, I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, old, young, rich, poor, black, or white. I don’t care about you. Period. I just want you to give me $8 for a cup of coffee.”

It is unclear at this time whether or not he intends to change the design of the cup.

The Gay Billboard

I’m reading in the news about a billboard that has gone up in America, claiming that being gay is a choice, and that nobody is born gay. Much of the debate surrounding the sign relates to whether or not you can be born gay.

I couldn’t care less about being born gay. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. Gay people might be born gay, they might not. I haven’t seen any truly conclusive proof that people are, but there are rumblings in that area. Perhaps one day, we’ll know for sure. The reason I don’t care, is that it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re doing something because you were born to do it, or because you simply feel like doing it. Either way, I don’t wish to effect your ability to live your life the way you want to live it. If there comes a day when science proves that nobody is born gay, I’m not suddenly going to start hating gay people. So it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t born wearing jeans and drinking coffee, but I chose to do those things every day. The clothes I wear, and the beverage I drink, have about as much effect on the lives of the people around me, as being gay would.

It’s hard not to envy the slack-jawed, under educated, simpletons that come out with this rubbish. They have so little going on in their lives that they’ve got time to worry about other people being gay. Their lives must be so simple and easy. I wonder if they’d lose their shit if I had tea instead of coffee one day.

Please Save The Homophobes

This is very important, before you read the rest of this post, I need you to read this article on Pink News – www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/11/26/former-ukip-deputy-leader-gays-sleep-with-up-to-20000-people-in-their-short-miserable-lives/ 

I’ll wait while you read it. 


Done? OK.

When you ask Google to define Prejudice, it says “preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.” We’re beyond this now. I don’t mean we’re beyond prejudice like I mean we’re better than that, I mean we’re beyond prejudice because the kind of attitude Lord Monckton has isn’t prejudice. It’s mental illness. I asked Google what Mental Illness means, and it said “a condition which causes serious disorder in a person’s behaviour or thinking.” The two things sound extremely similar to me.

I totally agree that we’re talking about a man that definitely has a preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. But I also think that we’re looking at a man who has serious problems accurately perceiving the world he lives in. This isn’t just somebody who hasn’t bothered to learn the facts about an issue, this is somebody who just cannot get a grasp on reality. It’s like there’s being wrong, and there’s being wrong. It’s wrong to say that 56847 divided 16 is 3554 when it’s actually 3553. It’s extremely wrong to say that the sky is green.

There’s just something about everything that Monckton is quoted on that’s too wrong for them to be coming from a healthy person. He isn’t just saying things that are prejudice, he’s saying stuff that is fantasy. Not only that, but the things he says are harmful to him, and others. In modern Great Britton the views he is expressing are widely accepted to be utter bollocks. He’s destroying his own credibility, his ability to work, his ability to earn money, cloth, and feed himself. He’s doing harm to his family by expressing these opinions. Can you imagine what it’s like to have your father in the news for publicly saying these things? The most embarrassing thing my dad ever did to me was to wear a really terrible hat on holiday once. It had a feather in it. Nobody in the house of commons would agree with what Monckton has said. Whether they’re for or against any particular LGBTQ related issue, not one working MP could agree with the delusions that Monckton expresses.

Those same MPs must also agree that Monckton is harmful to others. If he’s going to be attempting to spread information that is totally accepted to be incorrect, he’s going to cause pain. We all know what the pressures of being gay can do to a person, and we all know that the pressure they feel comes from the attitudes of the society they live in. Monckton is knowingly adding to that pain and suffering. I’d consider that doing harm to others.

There’s this thing that we do with people who are a danger to themselves and others. In the UK we call it being sectioned under the mental health act. Let’s stop trying to talk to people like Lord Monckton like he’s a healthy person with a firm grasp on reality. He isn’t. He’s ill and he needs help. There are many people like him who are mistaken for intelligent individuals who can function in the world. I understand that it’s an easy mistake to make. Unfortunately we aren’t doing them any good by letting them wander around unsupervised. Surely they need carers and other support staff to stop them hurting themselves and the people around them. 

If we all band together, perhaps we can help homophobes, racists, sexists, UKIP members and supporters get the support they need to be able to function in 2014.


There are loads of people in the world who don’t believe in evolution. To some degree that’s OK, because it doesn’t matter if you believe in evolution, because it’s a scientific theory, and your believing in it makes absolutely no difference. Those who don’t believe, might tell you that there’s no proof. I disagree. There’s proof in the news right now.

Before I begin, I’ll explain evolution very simply. Imagine you got a group of people. Some of the men are big and strong, some are small and weak. The women of the group are programmed to like men who are big and strong. So they find these men and have children with them. Those babies turn out to be big and strong. The men who are small and weak have trouble finding women to have babies with, and so in the next generation of people, there are more big and strong people, and fewer small and weak people. Over time, other things become a factor, such as women preferring men who are clever, rather than big. This leads to people generally getting cleverer. Genetic abnormalities are weeded out, because if you’ve got three eyes, it’s very hard to get somebody to shag you.

So here’s the proof. Have you heard of Neknominate? It’s where you drink a load of something that nearly kills you, video it, and challenge other people to drink something that gets you even closer to death. Simple. In the UK somebody died because they necked a pint of vodka. Most of us are clever enough to know that downing a pint of vodka will kill you. Most of us get to go on and have babies that we will tell not to drink a pint of vodka. Whereas those of us who think it’s funny to do that, are dead, and have no babies. That’s evolution.

You want further proof? After vodka boy dies, his mum goes on the news and tells us what a bright boy he was and that the Neknominate game has to stop. Err, no. He wasn’t bright, he downed a pint of vodka. And it wasn’t the game that made him do it, he made himself do it. So mum is a bit thick too. Evolution.

If you feel compelled to play Neknominate, please feel free to do so. The UK gene pool could do with a little bit of crud skimming off the top.