Hey everyone. I hope I find you well. I’m here today to ask you a bit of a favour. I’d like some feedback.
Over the last months I’ve been experimenting with different kinds of content, ranging in medium and topic. How am I doing? Is this stuff any good? Do you enjoy consuming what I produce, or do you wish I’d just stop it now? What kind of things would you like to see more of?
I’m just stabbing in the dark. Any constructive criticism is very welcome.
I wanted to keep posts about mental health on a separate blog, keeping my main site to be about more positive things. However I think on this occasion it would be more appropriate to share with as much of my online audience as possible. Plus if I do it like this then I don’t have to keep telling the story.
A couple of weeks ago I went through what I’d describe as a total brain crash. A kernel panic. It’s no secret that I’ve suffered from depression for a long time and the last couple of weeks have been especially rough. If you’ve ever suffered from depression you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, just imagine the saddest you’ve ever felt and remove whatever reason you had for feeling as sad as you did. That’s depression. A crippling sadness that has no real world cause. Normally I take a tablet every day and I don’t feel so bad. Unfortunately sometimes things just get too much. The recent stress over the new Simply Syndicated website and Simply Everything, which isn’t proven as popular as I’d have hoped, all took its toll on me and I needed to shut down for a while.
Where do I go from here? There’s lots to do. One of the upsides of recent events is that it has put me in touch with new mental health services which sound very promising. For the first time it’s being said that I could actually rid myself of this condition I had accepted I’d be living with for the rest of my life.
I’m tired of this. I’m tired of writing blog posts explaining where I’ve been for so long. I’m tired of trying to start new projects only to have them abandoned almost immediately because I have some sort of break down. I have no choice but to keep on trying. I reached the point where I considered not trying, but that’s how you end up with a crisis team in your living room.
I’d like to thank everybody for their support and for all the messages that helped me more than I can say.
Now I just want to get on with life and make some awesome stuff for the Internet.
Anaesthetics are funny things. Some of them are considered to be local, making a specific part of your body loose all feeling with the aim of preventing pain during a medical procedure. Some of them are general, and I would argue, don’t stop you feeling pain, they just stop you being aware that you’re feeling pain, which isn’t quite the same thing.
I’m currently having a very interesting anaesthetic experience. It’s local, in my mouth, and came from my dentist. I’ve had two fillings, one on each side of my mouth. Believe it or not this is the first time I’ve had this kind of work done, not fillings, just the both sides of the mouth thing.
The injection went in at the back of my jaw from the inside. I hate that part. It’s not the initial penetration of the needle that gets to me, it’s the long slow insertion of the longest needle you’ve ever seen in your life. Time was that injection would take a good fifteen or twenty minutes to start working. These day’s it’s pretty much instant.
It’s so odd how the numbness moves forward. It started in the back, now the back is back to normal but I have no feeling, or control over, my bottom lip and tongue. I’m honestly dribbling all over myself right now. I look like I’ve escaped from a ward. The back of my mouth is aware that it’s very thirsty, but front of mouth has no idea what we’re going to do about that.
If anyone from Alabama would like to open a shrimp company with me, please get in touch.
I’m sat in my chair rocking back and forth. There’s an X Files on the TV and I’m trying to work but nothing is really grabbing my attention. In one hour and fourteen minutes a multi-millionaire, CEO of the largest company in the world, is going to show me some new products that I’m going to want and buy. And yet I just can’t wait. I’m like a kid at Christmas. It’s not even like I’ve got loads of cash laying around waiting to be spent on the new Apple TV, but I know I’m going to find it somewhere.
There’s something really fucked up about all this. I really shouldn’t care.
I feel bad about that last sentence. Why shouldn’t I care? Why is it supposed to be a bad thing that I’m excited about new products? I’m dealing with some misplaced guilt here, once again re-enforcing that it’s ok to feel how I feel. These emotions are exactly the same feelings you get when your football team is about to kick off a big game. Apple are my team. I support them. The game they play is one that involves winning my money. They have competition in the form of Samsung, Microsoft, Google, and countless others. Time and time again they manage to win my money.
I have come to see the tech industry as a huge, year long sporting event. There are lots of events like the battle of the smartphones, the laptop wars, and the operating system showdown. Each year we watch different companies enter these events. We commentate on them, and we speculate on the future. How exactly does this differ from following the NFL or Premiere League?